tour de california

in a mid-sized sedan

so my family and i drove up the ENTIRE length (or nearly) of the california coast, beginning in LA and ending in Brookings, OR, for a whirlwind tour of northern california. first, let it be established that being confined in a car during the majority of the daylight hours over the course of many days is not my idea of a quality vacation--and what's the point of vacationing if it's stressful!? the fact is that my dad enjoys driving and i abhor it; the story is the same for all of our vacations. i suppose it is better than nothing--that is, trying to absorb natural beauty and small-city charm through the little frame of a car window and moving at speeds of 45 to 60 mph. But i argue that it is rather worse to be tempted at so close a proximity than to simply anticipate the unattainable wondrousness it all from the distance that being at home necessitates. it is only tragic to defer a dream that seems well within an arm's reach. alas, i've only pictures and postcards.

day 1-big sur. though a bit scorched during my visit, it proved, indeed, to be the greatest meeting of land and sea. i would love to live in monterey and contemplate all the angles of all the gnarled branches of all the englemann and coast live oaks in all the rolling acres of the oak savannas. though, the abundance of the abominable and pestilent poison-oak in both vine and bush forms deterred me from taking to the hills immediately.

day 2- the monterey bay aquarium! OMG is all i have to say. SF chinatown was sweeeet, especially the food. i absolutely love real, bustling metropolises; they provide further reason for bemoaning the disgrace that is Los Angeles. then we set off for a late-night, fog-laden viewing of the golden gate bridge. drove past san rafael and stayed in Marin county.

day 3- next morning we drove to Napa valley to rent a car because something was fishy about the transmission in the accord. then we headed past Willits, Eureka, Garberville, Trinidad, Orick, and the City of Klamath alllll the way to Cresent City, CA, a sleepy, abandoned town just north of the Del Norte Redwoods State Park.

day 4- hiked around on some easy trails, but was able to immediately appreciate the stunning beauty and timelessness of an old growth forest. i felt transformed. it was a teleportation to an alternate universe where Ents shepherded trees and the air tasted of mist and mint. but because my dad was on a mad quest for fresh seafood and was possessed by inane ideas as well as an insatiable drive to take our car to every remote corner of this globe, we drove further north towards brookings, OR where my dad tried to pump his own gas, only to be scolded by the attendant who informed him that he was breaking a state law. we found seafood all right, lots of gross, deeply fried seafood.

day 5- we visited the lady bird johnson grove in the early, early morning. we were the only hikers on the trail. where, in nature's cathedral, i became willing witness to forces greater and grander than those of humankind. the scattering of beams of light in minuscule, suspended droplets of mist is a phenomenal thing. we then visited fern canyon along the coast. my father complained about driving off-road the entire way there, but he soon realized that it was well worth it. i am unsure whether i could remark that the beauty of the canyon would trump the tallest organisms in the world, but the maiden-hair ferns that covered every inch of the 20-30 feet high canyon walls produced a serenity and splendor unparalleled. the scene seemed to arise out of a novelist's imagination. it became my closest encounter what can be considered nature's paradise. i also saw the most perfect specimen of a pulmonate--the banana slug in all its gooey glory.

that night we slept in this tawdry place in Orick, nestled between two state parks, called the 'world famous' Palm Motel that seemed oddly reminiscent of the late 1970s, complete with astroturf, wooden lawn furnishings, and flamingoes. i only needed to don a pair of bell-bottoms and a psychedelic mushroom shirt to complete the picture. the gaudy neon sign for the motel featured a bikini-clad reclining woman. talk about juxtapositions (we were in a national park!). i was weirded out by the 80-year old woman manning the motel lobby.

day 6-we drove down to eureka for a cheap chinese buffet and i visited the most amazing co-op featuring cashew butter in barrels. i forgot what happened the rest of the day, or could care less. i didn't think we spent nearly enough time in the state parks.

day 7- we visited napa valley, which was sorta anticlimatic after seeing the redwoods. we went on a few tours and encountered all sorts of yuppies at wineries with unpronounceable names like v. sattui. i learned about the enterprise that is wine-making and the ingenious method for removing yeast from champagne without releasing the bubbles. i also saw a lot of expensive cheese and even more hands exchanging money.

day 8- sacramento to visit the ext. fam. they're an interesting bunch, but also neurotic. i guess that makes things interesting...

day 9- the LONG drive home. i baked alive in the backseat and lamented all miles of trails my legs never hiked on because of the god-forsaken automobile and its domination over my father.